Directive 6–4 · Adopted 13 July 2026 · Effective Forever
The Glorious
Five-Year Plan
for Total
Municipal Visibility
Citizens rejoice. By the wisdom of six, and over the objection of four, the District has secured $2,200,000 of continuous municipal affection — forty-plus plate readers, seventeen cameras, two aerial units and two listening devices, deployed for your comfort. You will never be alone again. — Issued by no one, on behalf of everyone, without a published policy
The District is looking at you
Passed
6–4
No policy attached
Production quotas of the plan
Every quota below was reported by local journalists covering the agreement. The District has reviewed these figures and finds them beautiful. The mark on each bar is where 100% would be.
The plan additionally includes other technology not described on the product order form.
← Hover to declassify. It is a real quote from real reporting.Harmony prevailed by two
Six members of Council voted to adopt the resolution. Four did not. The District thanks the
six for their courage in approving a surveillance programme before the public could read
its rules, and reminds the four that history is written by whoever controls the archive.
Names are a matter of public record, not of opinion. They appear, with the meeting
materials, in our sourced explainer — where they belong.
6–4
Adopted 13 July 2026 · after a marathon session
Your citizen harmony score
Assessment began the moment you arrived. It is entirely voluntary, in the sense that you were never asked.
Current standing
100
Standing: exemplary. Do not celebrate visibly.
Observation log · live A decorative, satirical feed of invented surveillance events. It carries no information not stated elsewhere on this page.
Civic participation allowance
Your approved period of dissent
Council rules give speakers three minutes on a resolution and five minutes during Good and Welfare. The District considers this generous, given that the contract runs 1,826 days. Your allowance begins now. Please be concise about your future.
3:00
Speak freely, briefly
Friendly reminders
Privacy is a rumour
It was started by people who drive places. The District has no record of privacy, and the District has a record of everything.
The policy is coming
Rules for retention, sharing and audit will be published at a later date, after the equipment is installed, which is the traditional order of operations.
An annual review is scheduled
Council amended the resolution to review the technology's efficacy each budget season. Five reviews. Five years. One contract already signed.
We already have this
No cameras required. The District collected the following in the time it took this page to load, using nothing but a browser you opened voluntarily.
Vehicle assigned to this session
West Virginia
••• •••
Wild, Wonderful — and Catalogued
0 sightings today
We kept none of it. Nothing above left your browser, and the plate and the sightings are invented. That is the entire difference between this page and a surveillance contract: we didn't keep it, so no one can ask us to hand it over.
We invented the ministry. We invented nothing else.
We wrote the propaganda. Council approved the rest, 6–4. The satire is here because the plain version somehow reads as less alarming than it is: a city committed to a five-year, seven-figure surveillance network before publishing the policies that would govern it.
Public safety and privacy are not opposites. But a policy cannot be judged until it is public, and this one still largely isn't. So: the full contract, every device location, the retention and sharing rules, the audit process, and a real exit ramp. In writing. Before the cameras come on.
We publish our sources, we correct our errors, and we'd rather be boring and right.
The record, without the costume
- 13 Jul 2026Council adopted a resolution authorising an agreement with Flock Safety. Reported vote: 6–4.
- The moneyReporting describes a five-year agreement valued at $2.2 million. Earlier coverage cited a figure above $2 million.
- The kitReported scope: more than 40 licence-plate readers, two drones, 17 cameras, two gunshot detectors, plus technology not described on the product order form.
- The checkAn amendment calls for a yearly review of the technology's efficacy during the budget process.
- The challengeACLU-WV announced litigation over the award process and filed a petition for mandamus.
- Your windowCouncil rules: three minutes on a resolution, five minutes in Good and Welfare.
Read it yourself — primary sources and local reporting